So yesterday (10/11) was National Coming Out Day. As I was reading over some of my favorite blogs and news sites this idea of coming out really stuck with me. Over the past few weeks I’ve been setting goals and making plans. I’ve been kicking ass and taking names if you will. But I have not felt that I was being true to myself.
I’ve always taken pride in being a passionately free-spirited, socially liberal, Jesus loving nomad of life. These are the qualities that I wanted my identity to be based on. In my romanticized self image I’m comfortable with the unknown of my career. I’ve always been confident that I’d go wherever God called me and do whatever He called me to do. He wants me to move to South Africa and start a church? Sure I’ll be game! Go to Hawaii and learn to live happily ever after in paradise loving my brothers and sisters in Christ? Done! Well….God called this girl to grow up a little.
Turns out, crazy free-spirited dreams don’t just become reality. We have to make our dreams happen. And so, I’ve recently realized that my “free-spiritedness” was just a name I put on my reluctance to plan. I didn’t want to plan because I was afraid my plan wouldn’t work. By my irrational logic, if I didn’t have a plan, or a goal, I couldn’t fail.
So I recently acknowledged and decided to go after one of my dreams. I am currently in the process of applying to graduate school to receive my masters in counseling so I can become an LPC, Licensed Professional Counselor. I’m super excited about this goal. And I’ve made a plan. I know what I need to do to reach my goal and I am working the plan y’all. And it feels good. I’ve been studying for the GRE for the past few weeks instead of working (not ideal, but it’s something) and doing whatever needs to be done to get my application in and onto some big shots desk. Working this plan has left me feeling a little uninspired.
So you know what? I’m coming out*. I’m owning the fact that I need to be organized and plan. I’m not this 100% bohemian, free love, hippie dippie person that I romanticized myself into. But I’m also not a type A, color inside the lines kinda girl, I’m a special combination of both, and that’s what I love about me.
*I want to clarify that I have no intention of trivializing the challenge that is “coming out” in a traditional sense with regards to sexuality. There will be much more of that in my next post.