As I was getting ready to pray and then drift off into dreamland I realized with horror (no really, horror) that I hadn’t posted in ages. And I am determined to make this blog work. So tonight’s post isn’t going to be super insightful or thought provoking but it will be honest. Because that is what I have to offer up tonight. There’s a few reasons I haven’t been blogging and both of them are bad. Not because it is inherently bad for me to not be blogging, but because they are reflections of unhealthy trends in my life.
First of all, my depression has reared it’s ugly head and de-railed me for a couple of weeks. I came to terms with this reality in my last session with my therapist who harshly, and with love, told me “Annie, you are not as well as you say or think you are”. It took me about a day to process and come to terms with this but the truth is she was right. After I accepted the reality I knew I had to get back on track so I had to really streamline for a couple of days. Get done the bare minimum of work that needed to be accomplished and focus the rest of my energy on self care. Unfortunately, that meant the blogging (and spending time with family, and being social, and laundry, and extra curricular activities) did not happen.
Secondly, I have not been living thoughtfully. Partly because I’ve been so drained by just going through the motions, but also because I forgot to take the time to bask in the beauty of each day. I forgot that each new sunrise is an incredible blessing and tells a story of grace and new beginnings.
Tonight in my AWESOME community group we talked about prayer. A dear friend of mine talked about being intentional in prayer, and let me tell you, I have not been doing that. When I am intentional in my prayer my blogs are so much better (at least I think so, but maybe I’m biased…). Because I am in relationship with the great and mighty king and He is teaching me so much about his creation and his children. When I begin my day with intentional prayer my entire outlook changes. I notice things that would have otherwise gone un-noticed. I get a little love letter from God when the sunset is painted just so and I know, he created something beautiful to give to me, His beloved daughter. And when I have those moments, I want to come here, and share them with you, because they are love letters to you as well. I am full of joy when I think about sharing my life and my struggles with you. I truly believe that this blog will be life giving. And because my blogs are a reflection of my prayer life and my living intentionally on God’s great earth I am issuing a small call to action. Friends, keep me accountable. If you read my blog and notice that I’m not posting. Text me, call me out. Tell me you’ve noticed and you want to make sure I’m being intentional in my time with God. And pray for me.
This past few weeks I have ventured off course and reached a dead end. But I have turned around and am finding my way back, because I know there are great, happy, positive adventures that God has planned for me and I can’t wait to find out what they are.